Changes

I am rarely reminded of my age. Mainly because I'm usually the youngest in my circle of friends. I have always been comfortable in this role (I'm a younger brother, most of my classmates were older than me, etc...).

But every now and then I get reminded of my real age (because really, in my mind, I'm still 17 years old). And today I was reminded of just how old I am (not like my body is breaking down or anything) when I found out a much younger friend of mine is going through the same thing I was going through when I was his age. Pretty crazy how there are certain watershed moments in our lives that pretty much everyone goes through.

Those memories are still as vivid as ever. And I want to go back to that time, but not because I long for youth, but because I want to tell my younger self how foolish and silly I was back then. Then again... I so rarely get to be foolish and silly anymore. Maybe I should go back to my younger self and tell him, be more foolish, be sillier, do stupid dumb things...

Because responsibility and maturity is a heavy burden. It has its rewards, but they ain't easy.

Regrets? I used to promise myself never to have regrets... because, what's the point? You can't change the past. Now? I... I don't know.

Land of the free... home of the brave

Even after 9 months here in Shanghai, home is still Orange, Texas. And I want to go home and see my family so so badly.

When my family first moved to Orange, I would still tell people that I lived in Houston. Even in law school, in my mind, home was Houston, not the rural small town where my family just happens to have a small business. But gradually, my views changed.

Now, Home is wherever my family is. Home is where my heart is. Home is where I long to be.

9 months (almost 10!) has been too long. Next year... I'm going Home more often. Going home to the two spoiled dogs, my wise and silly sister, my gracious and understanding mother and my wonderfully goofy and weird dad.

Land of the free, home of the brave... deep in the heart of Texas. Or something like that.

On breaking points

A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a fellow professional in the corporate sector. Like a lot people in the corporate sector, she was also lamenting her own profession and the stress and time commitment that it brings with it.

The conversation eventually turned to (as it always does) methods of quitting. I'm a firm believer that once I reach a certain breaking point, I will just up and quit right then and there - consequences be damned. She was arguing that most people will not quit in the middle of a project because you leave your colleagues hanging out to dry and they will have to pick up a lot of extra work because of your absence. I don't believe we reached a consensus on this particular point.

However, we did agree on one particular point - that companies/firms/employers are quite adept at "training" their employees to endure ever increasing levels of "pain". Think about it, if you're just starting a job, staying late to work might be really really painful (or in most cases, work 9-5 might be really painful), but after you've worked until 8 or 9 pm for a few nights in a row, the pain dulls and you adapt to your circumstances. That's when the 10 to 12 am work days start to come into play and so on. As a result, slowly but surely, most employees learn to adapt to the rigors of their professional work.

But sometimes, the company/firm/employer doesn't even have to actively force/train an employee to adapt to the pain. Peer pressure from co-workers, stories from other comparable companies/firms, and even one's own innate desire to "please" the employer all can lead to desensitization.

Except, even with the slow desensitization, a lot of professionals still reach their breaking points and they move on to other things (thanksfully?regretably?). These professionals leave behind empty dark offices with cleaned out desks and shadows of their former presence - empty dark offices that remind the ones left behind that there are other opportunities, other careers, other (life) possibilities. And leave some others to wonder if/when they will follow in the previously departed's footsteps and leave behind their own empty dark offices.

Either way, breaking points do exist - it's just that they usually change as one continues to work.

Beijing

I usually despise Beijing because the air is just so foul. Check out this NYTimes article . I came here for business meetings Wednesday night, and for the past two days, the sky has been an amazing blue. They say it's because the wind has blown all the pollution away.

Coupled with the decrease in work-load and my upcoming trip back to the states, I'm crazy happy right now. I swear, my mood swings could power a small car if harnessed properly. It's just nice time right now.

Talk to me in a couple of days though, and things might be completely different! As my friend said... feast or famine.

On Strength

I often have this fleeting thought that if it wasn't for my faith in Jesus, I'd probably be a drug addict or alcoholic somewhere, totally consumed by my own worries and troubles. These thoughts aren't without basis... I know myself well enough to recognize my own weaknesses.

My ex-roommate at NYU once told me that many non-Christians view Christians as weak and incapable because they put all their hope and strength in Jesus as opposed to in their own talents and hard work. And to be honest, that's one of the main reasons why I resisted committing my life to Jesus for so long - just plain ol' pride. I wanted to be self-sufficient, wanted to be independent, wanted to take on the world by my own strength.

But the flip side of that thought is, just how much strength can one person have? We aren't islands, even if we do want to believe that everything we've ever accomplished is completely (or even largely) due to our own efforts, right?

In the most populous city I have ever lived in, I feel the most alone that I have ever felt.

HK

Insanity

I closed my first deal. I can honestly say I've never worked that hard for anything in my entire life. Ever.

For 3 weeks, I was completely wrapped up in this one deal. Then, for the last 10 previous days, I was in Hong Kong helping to sort out and finalize over 500 documents. It was insane.

I didn't sleep all that much and the days just blurred together. I woke up on sunday and noticed, for the first time, that my hotel room actually had a couch.

And everyone I worked with on the deal reassured me that things quiet down for a bit and then ramp up again. But what they tell me isn't reassuring at all. See, the thing is, I didn't "complete" a closing - I survived/got through/barely made it through a closing.

Kitten in the Rain.

I go through these roller coaster ups and downs with my job. And this past week has definitely been quite low. To the point where I question what exactly is keeping me there in the first place.

I sporadically pray about this. In my good days, I don't ask God if this profession is indeed the path for me, and in my bad days I pray like a man possessed wanting answers from God right that second - the outcries of a desperate man looking for quick (and hopefully easy) answers.

Like the kitten I saw today walking home from small group. I took the elevator up to my floor, but before I got there I realized I had no water, so I stopped the elevator and went back down to the first floor. As I walked to the corner store, I could hear this sporadic high-pitched yelp coming from in front of me. I walked to the source of the sound and found this lone kitten completely drenched and shivering. It was so small and weak-looking and each cry it made pierced me to my core because I could see a little bit of my own situation in that kitten.

I stopped and began to stoop down to get a better look, but in the back of my mind all I could think of was how impossible it would be for me to take care of a little kitten (given my job hours, my inexperience with cats, etc...). I think the kitten sensed my hesitation because as I got closer, it quickly scurried away. I, in turn, stood back up and continued walking to the corner store.

I have no idea what will happen to that kitten. I saw it again when I walked through the front gates of my apartment complex - apparently another passerby had brought it out of the rain and placed it outside the guard room. I have no idea what will happen with my job either. Maybe it's time I stopped reaching out to God on my own terms and really started to ask Him what it is He wants of me. I can't continue to stay in this job and allow myself to play the victim and wallow in my own misery. My attitude must change. I am not a kitten struggling to survive a rainstorm. I am a human being capable of making my own decisions and living with the consequences.

Sick in the Head

There is a Chinese character that really defies English translation: 贱

It sort of means that a person is masochistic, but it's a bit different. Not quite revelling in pain and misery, but not really fighting against it either.

It's been a pretty crazy week so far, but it's Thursday night (I don't even remember what I've been doing) but somehow I have survived... and sort of been okay with the misery.

Maybe I am sick in the head? Or maybe I'm just a 贱 person?

The Good and the Bad (days)

I just came back from a 5 day vacation in Taipei. I made up my mind that I really needed to leave Shanghai to clear my head, so I decided to extend my visa run to give myself a little breather. It was exactly what I needed, time off to hang out with an old friend, make some new ones, and see life outside the lenses of BigLaw.

Coming back to Shanghai was hard.

But today's a beautiful day in Shanghai. It's incredibly sunny and bright outside and there's not much to do in the office. It's a good day (meteorogically and work-wise).

So let's take it one day at a time - celebrate each good day and endure each bad one.

On Thunderstorms

Shanghai has been experiencing a bit of rain lately. These sudden, intense thunderstorms usually arrive around noon or mid afternoon and last for about an hour. It really is quite amazing to see and hear the thunderstorm unfolding from my office. My office is on the 11th floor and I can see several large mirrored buildings from my window. As the thunderstorms begin to unfold, I can see the lightning reflected in the mirrors of these tall office buildings and hear the thunder reverberate across the city as the noise bounces from building to building.

A few days ago I commented on how being unable to see the splendor of God here in Shanghai. Well, the past few days, in these thunderstorms, I once again saw a glimpse of the splendor of God - not the comforting, soothing vistas of clear blue skies and abundant sunshine, but in the awesome power and fury of lightning and thunder. How easily it has slipped my mind, that the great comforter is also a God of Wrath. I'm not a great fan of the video, but the song itself always blows my mind. Ever since I first heard it in college freshman year.

It is an easy way out to only think of God in one dimension, as the loving gentle Father, but it is also too simplistic. I need to stop characterizing God in my own terms. I need to continue my journey of trying to know Him better, instead of just convincing myself that I already know what He is like.

On the splendor of the King

Work has mercifully slowed down.

I finally went to my small group after skipping out on them for the four (plus?) weeks because of work. And it was awesome. I forget how necessary it is for me to be reminded that there are good, decent people here in Shanghai who have chosen to dedicate their lives to Jesus.

We had a short worship session where we sang along to praise songs from a DVD that apparently the church handed out. Who knew there was gospel karaoke? In the DVD though, there were a ton of aerial shots of mountains, clouds, urban landscapes, etc... and a few of those shots really reminded me of home.

See, my family lives in Orange, Texas - a small town in the border of Louisiana and Texas. Whenever I want to do something fun (like hang out with my friends), I have to drive about an hour and a half into Houston. The drive itself is pretty monotonous and I've done it many times, but now and then, I get to witness a little bit of the splendor of the King. If the timing, weather, and season are just right, you can see beautiful clouds against a blue clear sky with rays of sunshine filtering through them. It really does look like something out of a calendar or a picture book. It's absolutely amazing. I sometimes half-expect heavenly hosts to start descending on these rays of sunshine with harps and robes and halos and sing about the majesty of the King.

I've tried to find similar meteorological or scenic representations of the splendor of the King in Shanghai, but have met with little success. Perhaps it's because the skies over Shanghai are way more polluted or because there are just too many tall buildings blocking the sky. Or perhaps, it's because I've closed my eyes to the splendor of the King here in Shanghai. I've just been too wrapped up in my own work-related stress/misery that I've stopped looking for signs of His glory or even worse, stopped being able to recognize His glory altogether!

It's amazing how quickly I forget his love and grace when I'm worried about other stuff. I've ignored Him for too long. It's time to start seeking the splendor of my God and King again...

On Mortgages

I recently watched an old episode of The Simpsons ("The Boy Who Knew Too Much" S05EP20) where Bart has a great quote after skipping out on school. As he's lazily fishing by the side of a river he contentedly sighs: "Ah... the joys of mortgaging your future."

On Ambition

I have no idea what innately drives some people. I only know that I am a pretty competitive person by nature and that has translated to some pretty crazy ambitions over my life-time.

Crazy ambitions that I really won't go into (if only because by calling them "crazy" I pretty much admitted that I didn't achieve any of the things that I aimed for).

But I must have been completely freaking insane to think that I could start my first career in a foreign country. As if a legal career in BigLaw isn't difficult enough, I decided I needed the extra challenge of attempting it with the handicap of not being a native speaker of the language that the legal work needs to be done in. Oh, but barely 6 months ago, while I waited for my job's start date to arrive, I was absolutely freaking convinced that I could survive (even thrive!) in China.

Yeah. No.

But you, the reader, will doubtlessly say: "But plenty of other people have thrived overseas working in a job that required them to operate in a language they were not comfortable in!" And you'd be right, except, I may not (or may?) be one those people.

The me of 2 or 3 years ago would have definitely sucked it up and pushed on through (if only for pride's sake). I'm not so sure about the me of today.

In need of hope

I called my sister yesterday, to vent my frustrations at my own inability to control my life. It has been the most stressful week ever at the firm. On top of that I was sick.

And I got to talking to Su, and we talked about her decision (back in my 1L year) to sell the motel. I totally understand why she would want to do that nowadays. But 5 years later, she seems to be accustomed to the everyday demands of the motel.

I wonder if I will be able to do the same with biglaw? Part of me desperately doesn't want to get "used to" biglaw, but on the other hand, right now, I have no better alternative. Plus, I'd really be wussing out if I didn't at least stick it out for a while longer.

I have no idea if I have what it takes. And I have no idea when/if I will break down. But if all it took was one week, then maybe I don't have what it takes. And maybe that's okay?

I really don't know anymore.

It just got serious up in Liaoning

I've been in Liaoning for 19 days doing due diligence work for a project. All that time, I've been living in the same Kunlun Hotel in the same room.

And today, on my nighstand, the hotel decided I might have use for this sbox. But it's what's inside the sbox that counts! A dildo, condoms, cock rings, lube... everything a lawyer on a due diligence trip needs!

Some things don't change

My church in Shanghai held baptisms today. It was pretty cool seeing people from all over the world get baptized in their adopted city of Shanghai, China!

Baptisms are a time of great rejoicing, it means one more soul has made the choice to follow Jesus! I still remember the first time I realized what a momentous occasion a baptism really was. I was still in New York City and was studying for the bar at the time, a very very stressful occasion. I grudgingly went to church that Sunday morning expecting another run of the mill service - my heart really wasn't focused on praise or fellowship at first. But then Pastor Steve told us that there would be a baptism, and my mood immediately changed. That was also one of those few moments that I knew I had taken a small step forward in my walk with God. I was actually insanely excited and happy that another brother would join the fellowship of God. I had never met the guy being baptized, knew nothing about him, but I was still overjoyed at the prospect another person seeking a relationship with Jesus.

And today, in the witness of hundreds of people who have adopted the city of Shanghai as their home, the Church welcomed more people to its fold. It was so comforting to know that some things are greater than geo-political boundaries, cultural upbringing, race, and age.

Harry Potter!

I have a pretty noticeable scar on my forehead. It's about two inches long and I've had it pretty much ever since I can remember.

As a child, my mother lamented the fact that the doctors had not done a good enough job of patching me up and left me with a permanent disfigurement. Her visible disappointment coupled with her sighs and regretful remarks had quite an impact on young me. I grew up thinking that the scar somehow made me more flawed and disappointing and I actively tried to hide it by growing out my bangs.

But as I grew older, I started to notice the scar less and less and actually liked the way it looked on my face more and more. And peculiarly, as I became less and less self-conscious about my own scar, my mother would talk less and less about it.

Now, the scar doesn't bother me anymore. It's uniquely me and I kind of like that. I kind of like that a lot.

On Inhibition...

They say alcohol lowers inhibition. I believe it.

But you know what can work equally well? Distance and time. Given the right distance away from one's community for a long enough time, and one's inhibitions begin to drop.

We'll see how this turns out...

Because of the short post, here's a little bonus: One of my all time favorite songs.

On rudeness

I was talking to a co-worker today, sharing personal stories of just how rude many Chinese people are. We were mainly talking about the pushing and shoving that usually occurs whenever Chinese people are lined up and how many Chinese people cut lines utterly shamelessly.

More examples of Chinese rudeness include but are not limited to (heh, I'm a lawyer... give me a break!):

1. Not holding elevator doors open

2. Talking loudly in public places

3. Honking at pedestrians

4. Spitting in the direction of people

Basically, many Chinese people find it difficult to empathize and be considerate of others; character flaws that I usually attribute to China's HUGE population, overcrowding, and third world upbringing (i.e. too many people to worry about, there's no possibility of privacy anyways, and why worry about others when I myself have too many problems to deal with). But will a reduced population, less crowding, and a more developed country really lead to more polite Chinese people? Or are these Chinese people's inability to think of their fellow man rooted in something else? I really have no idea. I guess only time will tell.

Meanwhile, I have days where I just want to get into fights with rude people to "teach" them a lesson. But in my calmer more rational moments, I realize that my motive for beating up these rude people is not so much to change them, but to punish them for being jackasses. The problem with that, however, is that most Chinese people don't think they're doing anything wrong when they steal your taxi or scream loudly into their cellphones in a restaurant. So how should I deal with these people?

A member of my church small group suggested "killing them with kindness;" changing Chinese people by showing them that it's not a zero-sum game, that you don't really lose anything by excusing yourself from the restaurant and talking outside or properly waiting in line for a taxi. It's the only right approach - I mean, I wouldn't be showing much empathy if I just assumed that these people were being rude on purpose and condemned them for it. That would just be downright hypocritical of me. And it is also the only way to ensure that you're not unfairly punishing those people that aren't being rude on purpose but are only doing it out of ignorance.

But it's hard... It's hard to swallow righteous anger and take the higher road. It's harder when Chinese people think you're a sucker for doing it.

Forget mortgage crisis, try murder sprees...

Check out C. Cindy Fan - "A Polarizing Society" in this NYTimes article.

Ms. Fan's article deals with the recent trend of Chinese men breaking into schools and attacking, sometimes fatally, small children. One of these attackers was Mr. Zheng Minsheng, a 42 year old ex-surgeon. The article tries to explore the motivation behind Mr. Zheng's, and other similar single men's, attack on young children.

Of particular interest are Ms. Fan's discussion on the Mr. Zheng's inability to get married:

"Although Zheng could support himself, his modest income made him a weak contender in the marriage market. According to neighbors, Zheng had dated many women, but none was willing to marry him because he was not rich and could not afford an apartment for himself. In China, still, the ability to own or at least rent a place of one’s own is often a precondition for getting married."

For the sake of Chinese children everywhere, I sincerely hope that rising housing prices isn't a cause of these senseless murders because it doesn't look like Chinese urban housing prices are going to get cheaper anytime soon.

Pee.

I hate using restrooms in China. HATE IT!

No, it's not because they are poorly designed, improperly maintained, or even unhygienic. I hate using restrooms in China because Chinese men are RETARDED when it comes to proper male restroom etiquette.

Here is a quick brush-up on male restroom etiquette - it's a long video, but well worth the time if only to brush up on the rules. As an addendum, implicit within the rule of no eye contact and not looking at another person is the rule of always looking upwards while peeing in a urinal so as to avoid accidentally looking at the face (staring straight) or the genitals (staring down) of any fellow restroom patron. These are the rules that I have grown up with and respect and follow to this day.

Unfortunately, these are not the rules that Chinese men follow.

Chinese men generally stare down (worst. direction. possible.) when using a urinal. They start unbuckling their belts and taking off their pants as soon as they enter the restroom. They heartily greet and strike up a conversation with another while they pee. They openly flaunt the urinal spacing rules and will use one next to you even if there is an open one farther away. All these egregious violations of societal norm are enough to make me hate using Chinese restrooms, but the coup de grace is in the Chinese man's refusal to aim.

While traveling around China, one will often encounter stickers with the phrase "往前一小步，文明一大步" pasted on urinals. This phrase roughly translates to: a small step forward is a giant leap in civility. Why, one may ask, are these stickers so ubiquitous in China? It's precisely because Chinese men apparently have a favorite pastime - to see how far back they can step from the urinal and still pee in it. This disgusting hobby leads to puddles of pee beneath the urinals and make Chinese male restrooms a freaking mine field. The problem has gotten so bad that one company has replaced the "往前一小步，文明一大步" stickers with "尿不到池里说明你短；尿到池外说明你软" (if you can't pee inside the bowl, you're short, if you pee outside the bowl, you're soft).

I don't know why Chinese men don't follow the rules. All I know is that I would greatly appreciate a clean restroom with no one talking to me or looking at me as I do my business.

UPDATE (5/14/2010): I've worked hard to try and get a picture of the pee puddles that exist in our office's restroom, but given the tile background (white), the color of the liquid (clear), and the quality of my camera (bberry) it's been difficult. Guess you guys will have to take me at my word for now.

UPDATE 2: Pay close attention to where the light hits at the center of the photo. By the way, the cleaning ladies mop up under the urinals once every hour, just to give you an idea how nasty it would be in a public restroom with no continuous janitorial services.

Here:

Heart-Break

I didn't always relish the idea of going to church. And a note posted by a friend on Facebook really got me thinking about my own struggles with the idea of attending church.

Back in Argentina, church was just another place that I had to go to in a crazy packed week. (m-f: school, sat: Chinese school, sun: church). Fast forward a few years and a couple thousand miles later, the church in Houston was quite possibly the reason I stopped going to church for such a long time. A combination of youthful rebellion, questioning of my own faith (existence? extent?), external circumstances, and ignorance drove quite a wedge between the idea of attending church and me.

Then, God, in his infinite wisdom (and machination!) led me to New York City. And to NYU's Christian Legal Fellowship. And then to Redeemer Presbyterian Church. And finally to Pastor Steve Wolma's City Grace Church. City Grace, where I heard Pastor Steve preach about the importance of going to church. Preaching of how the longing for fellowship and community that each person feels is only ever satisfied by worshipping and praising together the one and only thing in the universe that is infinitely deserving of praise and glory.

Yet even now, the dread of making the trip to my church and of "wasting" a solid two hours still clings to the back of my head every Sunday. Then I go... out of duty, out of guilty, out of habit, or (increasingly often) out of joy, and I see the people at church around me, all basking in the communal worship and fellowship that is a church service, and I see in the faces of the people around me the love that they feel in God's presence, and I hear their voices ringing loudly proclaiming the glory, goodness, and faithfulness of our Lord... and my heart breaks. It breaks with pure uplifting joy. In those moments each Sunday, I am reminded of just how loved I am... and I get renewed strength and fortitude to face another week with joy and confidence.

It has been a lonely past two weeks. With the type of loneliness that catches one exposed and unaware - complicated all the more by homesickness. But the Lord who has ordained my life since the beginning of time has seen it fit to place me in this place (Shanghai), at this time, with this job, and with these people around me, so who am I to question His wisdom?

Well, actually, being the impish and incorrigible (read: smart-ass) boy that I am, I do question one thing about my current church. Why do the services not end in the traditional benediction that I've come to expect from my past churches?

It doesn't matter. I think I'll leave the mystery be. I'm fine with my current hypothesis: that this is just another quirk that China has to offer. Yes, just another cultural difference.

Warm Water

When I turn on the hot water in my apartment, it takes a split second for the hot water heater to engage. After the heater turns on, I'll see a steady stream of reddish colored water for a few seconds before the water becomes clear. The reddish water comes from the rust that has accumulated in the hot water pipes, and that rust in turn is caused by the high mineral content of the water in Shanghai.

Just another reason why most people don't drink the Shanghai water out of the tap (not even after boiling it, because you can't boil away minerals and metals). No, what most people have are 饮水机 (yinshuiji), or water coolers. Given the popularity of tea in China, almost all water coolers have a heater built in - the one in my apartment is no different - so that you can get both hot and room temperature water.

But all that above info is really to set the stage for what I think is a really nasty Chinese habit. I'm talking, of course, about the insidious habit that Chinese people have of drinking lukewarm water. Talk about disgusting! I mean, I enjoy the rare cup of tea here and there, but for the most part, I like my water cold or at the very least, room temperature. Imagine my surprise then, when about half the office support staff (4 ladies) chided me for drinking room temperature water while my stomach was hurting. They explained that the warm water would be less "shocking" to my sensitive stomach and thus better than cold or room temperature water. It made sense to me then so I followed their advice and put some hot water into my cup with my cold water.

Talk about a strange sensation. It's not quite the soothing sensation one experiences when drinking a hot beverage nor is it anywhere close the refreshing feeling you get when you drink cold water. It's just... weird.

So after my stomach felt better, I started drinking room temperature water again, thinking I didn't need warm water anymore! Yeah, no dice. While pouring myself a cold glass of water, a co-worker reminds me that drinking cold water will only bring back or cause more stomach pains. Later on, during lunch, I'm enjoying a nice glass of water with my food when another co-worker tells me that drinking fluids of any kind, but especially water, is really bad for digestion. She contends that the water dilutes the stomach acids and thus messes up the digestion process.

I mean, I can sort of understand the reasoning behind my co-workers' contentions, but really, I've been drinking fluids with my meals for all of my life and I've been drinking cold/room temperature water forever! I think I vaguely recall that back when my grandmother was still alive she would also drink warm water, but I just attributed that to her advancing age and loss of teeth (i.e. gums would be too sensitive to cold water), but who knows... maybe she drank it for health reasons.

But the WORST part of all this... is the water cooler at my house. Apparently the heater is super-extra-crazy strong in my water cooler so the hot water comes out scalding... and the cold water comes out... you guessed it! WARM!

So now when I drink water at home, I drink warm water... hating each sip I take. Hating myself for not unplugging the damn water cooler just in case I need hot water for something.

Mortgage Crisis... China Style

There is apparently a Chinese tradition, and a strong one at that, which mandates that when a man and a woman get married, the man should provide a house. This usually means the man has to buy a house before the woman (and the woman's family) will even consider marriage. In its abstract form, this tradition may seem harmless and even make a good bit of practical sense - after all, in a traditional marriage with traditional gender roles, the man is supposed to be able to bring home the bacon - but in practice, this tradition may have sown the seeds of a mortgage crisis.

The problem stems from the fact that real estate prices in China have been rising for many years and continue to rise even now. Some experts believe that the rising trend is merely a result of the urbanization of China, while others think China is in the midst of a housing bubble (personally, I have no idea and don't really care since I can't afford a house anyways).

With housing prices continuing to soar, men in China who are contemplating marriage are finding it harder than ever to secure the mortgages they need for their first house. Even though Shanghai has one of the highest average ages for newlywed couples in China (31 for men and 28 for women), the ridiculously high urban housing prices have made it so that even older newlyweds do not have enough savings to make the initial down payment or the subsequent mortgage payments on their first home.

Faced with the prospect of losing the love of their life (or depending on upward trending divorce rates, their love for the next 3 or 4 years), Shanghai men are turning to their parents to secure the funds they need to buy a home. This leads to scenarios where the groom's parents will sell their own house and use that money to buy a house in the son's name so that their son can get married. In more extreme cases, the down payment alone is not enough, and the groom's parents will continue to help with mortgage payments, usually by delaying retirement or even going back into the workforce. The parents would then be forced to move in with the newlywed couple or with other relatives.

Given China's one child policy and the traditional Chinese thinking of 重男轻女 (valuing sons over daughters) it makes sense that Chinese parents are willing to sacrifice their own well being for their son's potential well being, but this sacrifice may come at a societal economic cost. There are good reasons why banks shouldn't give mortgages to people that can't afford them. It's not that difficult to imagine a generation of young Chinese couples saddled with large mortgage payments that they can't afford because the older generation has passed away and cannot help with payments anymore. Even worse, if China is really in the midst of a housing bubble, then a crash in real estate prices would wipe out not only the young couple, but also the groom's parents who now have no place to stay and no savings.

Who knows how all of this will turn out? I just know that if I were to ask my parents to give me all of their savings to satisfy the demands of my potential bride, my parents would laugh at me to my face. Well, actually, before I even went to my parents, if my fiancee told me that my parents' savings were a precondition to our marriage... 我会昏倒不省人事。

First Post

"Buxingrenshi" literally means "unconcious". That, in and of itself, is of no real interest (except to the few people that really do enjoy learning new, obscure Chinese words). But how I came about to learn this new phrase... now that's an altogether more interesting story.

The first time I saw the words was in a picture of a sex shop advertisement. The store proudly hawked its "electric condom" and claimed that it would: "让男人省事，女人不省人事“. The office receptionist who pointed me to the site could not stop laughing at the image (here is a picture) but I just didn't get it. After a little bit of explaining and searching the dictionary, I finally got the joke - the electric condom apparently saves time and effort for the man and leaves the woman unconcious. By itself, the two phrases make up pretty bold advertisement, but in mandarin, they flow lyrically and even rhyme.

And that pretty much sums up the whole idea behind this blog. I'll mainly be posting about stuff in China that I encounter (or the stories about China that I hear from others) that I find interesting, annoying, weird, surprising, or whatever...

Let's just hope, for my sake, that as I get acclimated more and more to the local culture, I'll continue to have episodes of culture shock. It would be quite a shame indeed if in a year or more's time, crazy stuff like people spitting in front of me, men rubbing up on my back, or women clipping their nails next to me while I eat cease to suprise me anymore.

And even more of a shame if I started doing those things...