Changes

I am rarely reminded of my age. Mainly because I'm usually the youngest in my circle of friends. I have always been comfortable in this role (I'm a younger brother, most of my classmates were older than me, etc...).

But every now and then I get reminded of my real age (because really, in my mind, I'm still 17 years old). And today I was reminded of just how old I am (not like my body is breaking down or anything) when I found out a much younger friend of mine is going through the same thing I was going through when I was his age. Pretty crazy how there are certain watershed moments in our lives that pretty much everyone goes through.

Those memories are still as vivid as ever. And I want to go back to that time, but not because I long for youth, but because I want to tell my younger self how foolish and silly I was back then. Then again... I so rarely get to be foolish and silly anymore. Maybe I should go back to my younger self and tell him, be more foolish, be sillier, do stupid dumb things...

Because responsibility and maturity is a heavy burden. It has its rewards, but they ain't easy.

Regrets? I used to promise myself never to have regrets... because, what's the point? You can't change the past. Now? I... I don't know.

Land of the free... home of the brave

Even after 9 months here in Shanghai, home is still Orange, Texas. And I want to go home and see my family so so badly.

When my family first moved to Orange, I would still tell people that I lived in Houston. Even in law school, in my mind, home was Houston, not the rural small town where my family just happens to have a small business. But gradually, my views changed.

Now, Home is wherever my family is. Home is where my heart is. Home is where I long to be.

9 months (almost 10!) has been too long. Next year... I'm going Home more often. Going home to the two spoiled dogs, my wise and silly sister, my gracious and understanding mother and my wonderfully goofy and weird dad.

Land of the free, home of the brave... deep in the heart of Texas. Or something like that.

On breaking points

A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a fellow professional in the corporate sector. Like a lot people in the corporate sector, she was also lamenting her own profession and the stress and time commitment that it brings with it.

The conversation eventually turned to (as it always does) methods of quitting. I'm a firm believer that once I reach a certain breaking point, I will just up and quit right then and there - consequences be damned. She was arguing that most people will not quit in the middle of a project because you leave your colleagues hanging out to dry and they will have to pick up a lot of extra work because of your absence. I don't believe we reached a consensus on this particular point.

However, we did agree on one particular point - that companies/firms/employers are quite adept at "training" their employees to endure ever increasing levels of "pain". Think about it, if you're just starting a job, staying late to work might be really really painful (or in most cases, work 9-5 might be really painful), but after you've worked until 8 or 9 pm for a few nights in a row, the pain dulls and you adapt to your circumstances. That's when the 10 to 12 am work days start to come into play and so on. As a result, slowly but surely, most employees learn to adapt to the rigors of their professional work.

But sometimes, the company/firm/employer doesn't even have to actively force/train an employee to adapt to the pain. Peer pressure from co-workers, stories from other comparable companies/firms, and even one's own innate desire to "please" the employer all can lead to desensitization.

Except, even with the slow desensitization, a lot of professionals still reach their breaking points and they move on to other things (thanksfully?regretably?). These professionals leave behind empty dark offices with cleaned out desks and shadows of their former presence - empty dark offices that remind the ones left behind that there are other opportunities, other careers, other (life) possibilities. And leave some others to wonder if/when they will follow in the previously departed's footsteps and leave behind their own empty dark offices.

Either way, breaking points do exist - it's just that they usually change as one continues to work.

Beijing

I usually despise Beijing because the air is just so foul. Check out this NYTimes article . I came here for business meetings Wednesday night, and for the past two days, the sky has been an amazing blue. They say it's because the wind has blown all the pollution away.

Coupled with the decrease in work-load and my upcoming trip back to the states, I'm crazy happy right now. I swear, my mood swings could power a small car if harnessed properly. It's just nice time right now.

Talk to me in a couple of days though, and things might be completely different! As my friend said... feast or famine.