Back in Argentina, church was just another place that I had to go to in a crazy packed week. (m-f: school, sat: Chinese school, sun: church). Fast forward a few years and a couple thousand miles later, the church in Houston was quite possibly the reason I stopped going to church for such a long time. A combination of youthful rebellion, questioning of my own faith (existence? extent?), external circumstances, and ignorance drove quite a wedge between the idea of attending church and me.
Then, God, in his infinite wisdom (and machination!) led me to New York City. And to NYU's Christian Legal Fellowship. And then to Redeemer Presbyterian Church. And finally to Pastor Steve Wolma's City Grace Church. City Grace, where I heard Pastor Steve preach about the importance of going to church. Preaching of how the longing for fellowship and community that each person feels is only ever satisfied by worshipping and praising together the one and only thing in the universe that is infinitely deserving of praise and glory.
Yet even now, the dread of making the trip to my church and of "wasting" a solid two hours still clings to the back of my head every Sunday. Then I go... out of duty, out of guilty, out of habit, or (increasingly often) out of joy, and I see the people at church around me, all basking in the communal worship and fellowship that is a church service, and I see in the faces of the people around me the love that they feel in God's presence, and I hear their voices ringing loudly proclaiming the glory, goodness, and faithfulness of our Lord... and my heart breaks. It breaks with pure uplifting joy. In those moments each Sunday, I am reminded of just how loved I am... and I get renewed strength and fortitude to face another week with joy and confidence.
It has been a lonely past two weeks. With the type of loneliness that catches one exposed and unaware - complicated all the more by homesickness. But the Lord who has ordained my life since the beginning of time has seen it fit to place me in this place (Shanghai), at this time, with this job, and with these people around me, so who am I to question His wisdom?
Well, actually, being the impish and incorrigible (read: smart-ass) boy that I am, I do question one thing about my current church. Why do the services not end in the traditional benediction that I've come to expect from my past churches?
It doesn't matter. I think I'll leave the mystery be. I'm fine with my current hypothesis: that this is just another quirk that China has to offer. Yes, just another cultural difference.
Dude, I think the Houston church is one of the reasons I feel the way I feel today.
回覆刪除Oh well. I can't keep using that as an excuse. I just need to find a good, strong community. 加油 to both of us, vato.